🌿 Why Do I Push People Away When I Care?
- Cashmeira Henderson
- Sep 8
- 2 min read
Have you ever caught yourself withdrawing from the very people you love most? You want closeness. You want connection. But when someone gets too near, you feel yourself pulling back.
And then the guilt sets in: “Why do I do this? What’s wrong with me?”
The truth is—pushing people away isn’t proof you don’t care. It’s proof your heart has learned to protect itself.
🧠 The Science of Pushing People Away
When you’ve been through rejection, betrayal, or inconsistency, your nervous system adapts. It starts to pair closeness with danger.
So even in safe relationships, your body may send signals like:
Tightness in your chest
Urge to go silent
Pulling back emotionally or physically
Science calls this an attachment wound. It’s not about being cold or unloving—it’s about survival.
Your body is trying to keep you safe, even when safety is right in front of you.
📖 What Scripture Says
God isn’t surprised by your defenses—and He doesn’t condemn them.
Ezekiel 36:26 says: “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
Psalm 34:18 says: “The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.”
God sees the walls you’ve built. And His promise is not to shame you, but to gently rebuild you—teaching your heart and body that love can be safe again.
✨ A Gentle Step Toward Connection
The next time you feel yourself pulling away, pause and try this simple reset:
Place your hand over your chest.
Inhale deeply and whisper: “Lord, soften my heart.”
Exhale and stay present for just one more moment.
You don’t have to force yourself to be fully open right away. Healing is often about one more moment of staying—and letting God slowly retrain your body to trust safe connection.
💜 You’re Not Broken—You’re Healing
Pushing people away doesn’t mean you’re unloving. It means you’ve learned to protect yourself the only way you knew how.
But God’s promise is this: The walls around your heart are not permanent. He is already at work giving you a new heart, softening stone into flesh, and teaching you to rest in love that heals instead of harms.
Pause. Breathe. Reflect. Selah 🌿
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